Thin Privilege From a Fat Girl's Perspective
11:56 AM
My whole life I've been fat. Not fat as in a little extra fluff on my adolescent body. Fat as in one of the biggest females in my grade, let alone my friend group. Fat as in avoiding shopping trips to the mall with my friends to save myself the embarrassment of having to take them to the one designated store that carried my size, but was far from what any teenager would consider "trendy". Fat as in some guys making jokes at my expense while they flirted with my thin friends. Fat as in leaving other guys in disbelief that I didn't welcome the "honor" of their advances when I had the nerve to be as big as I was. Fat as in not capable of hearing that I was beautiful unless it was prefaced with "You're not fat".
Fat. Really fat. I mean I even came out of the womb weighing almost 11 lbs. Not a single day of my life have I known what it's like to be considered "thin" or "average" sized. Which is probably what makes it so hard when I've heard women who do fall into these categories lament that they're fat. They make comments purporting to understand the struggles of women like me. They attempt to be our voice in mainstream media. But no matter how well intentioned they may be, I can't help but find it really frustrating.
This morning, for instance, I was flipping through the headlines on Yahoo like I do everyday. As I was swiping through I saw a story about well known model Iskra Lawrence. Now the last time I read a Yahoo story about her, it misleadingly wrote that she took it upon herself to talk to Shape Magazine about editing elements of her New Year's workout and diet plan. It made no mention of this occurring, no doubt, in part to the countless blogs and comments people had written about them in reference to the problematic, restrictive meal plans it promoted. But still I clicked to see the revolutionary body positivity this article claimed to contain.
The whole basis of the story was Lawrence being appreciative to her photographer for never re-touching her and showing her "imperfections". I looked at the photos and immediately felt confused.
An hourglass figure, flat stomach, acceptably thick thighs. What about this does society consider imperfect? What aspect of these photos make these unusable for an ad campaign? Was I supposed to identify with this?
I go on Instagram everyday and see photos of women with similar body types to Iskra's contorting their bodies to seem relatable. They push out their bellies and bend slightly backwards so you can see a delicate back roll. They purport to know what the plight of a fat girl is. The thing is, if they post a Don't Hate the Shake video people tag their friends to see the cute girl dancing. If I do it people tag their friends to laugh at me. If they post a picture in their underwear people heap praise on them and comment "#bodygoals". If I do it people comment "#killyourself". If they want to "embrace the squish" they have to sit down to be able to pinch at the slightest bit of skin. I don't have the luxury of choosing whether or not I want to embrace my fat. It's there on display on my thighs, my stomach, my arms, my face, and my back whether I'm standing, sitting, or doing a jumping jack.
I'm tired of society making me feel like I should be grateful for it's baby steps towards the illusion of inclusiveness. I'm not going to thank you when you're still not acknowledging people with stories like mine. Many of us do have similar stories with struggling with self image. Feeling so much pressure about our appearance coupled with mental illness has even led some of us to nearly killing ourselves. However, Cosmo and Yahoo aren't going to run stories about women who have always been fat finally finding the beauty of self acceptance after almost losing their lives to suicide attempts because their self hatred was so strong. It's more easily digestible for the public to see a woman who was so in fear of being fat for years finally celebrate being a size 10 or 12.
If a plus size person is covered by the media it's about their impressive weight loss or includes quotes or photos related to them working out. The media and the subject always feel a need to justify the fatness in question.
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| Ashley Graham |
I'm tired of playing the good fatty. I 100% believe that all body types deserve to love themselves, but I'm tired of only one conventionally attractive type of body being the voice for the struggles of all of us. If you're smaller framed, girl, own that small frame. If you're a beautiful model with a beautiful model body, that's awesome too! At the end of the day, yes we're both preaching the same message. But please remember there are some of us who are still really outcast and hated by society. Some of us have never and will never benefit from thin privilege and all it comes with. And if you don't understand the daily pain and insults fat girls get, that's okay. But be inclusive and try to educate yourself so you can better spread the message of bopo. If your body positive role models are all average sized, straight white women then seek to understand the stories of size 26, queer women of color. It's perfectly okay to identify with some people because their stories are similar to yours, but you're doing the movement a disservice when you forget about the rest of us who helped create this. We want a platform to talk about body image from our side of things too.
I'm not a conventionally attractive woman. I've got a big gut and no butt. I've got fat arms and a double chin. I have Christmas ham sized thighs and saggy breasts. But my experiences are still valid and worth being heard. I just want to be afforded the privilege of being able to tell them. I want equality within the body positive movement. I wish for the same respect others are treated with. I want "All bodies are good bodies" to feel like a true statement and see genuine, unapologetic radical self love when fat bodies are represented in the media. I want acceptance and inclusion for everyone.
And most of all, I want to be allowed to live my life being fat AND beautiful.
3 comments
I simply love this, thank you.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am a size 26 person and I'm having a bad body day. Today, I feel like learning to love my body is impossible. After reading your blog, I feel a little bit better and a whole lot less alone. ❤️
ReplyDelete