How Cyberbullying Encouraged Me To #ShowLove
12:10 PM
Prior to writing this I was scrolling through Facebook status updates of people who had much more thrilling Sunday nights than I did.
"Wow, a roof top jacuzzi party...*scroll scroll*...couples' ice skating date, cute...*scroll scroll*...the Wizarding World, ugh, lucky...*scroll scroll*..."
But in the midst of sifting through memes and living vicariously through other people's fun, I saw a video that a friend* had liked. (*high school acquaintance at best, really) It's a compilation of a girl repeatedly saying "Hey guys, it's Nichole" as the introduction of her videos. At first, it seemed as though someone had made this video to mock Nichole, but after reading the comments it became apparent Nichole, herself, had put it together. The reason is unclear, but at this point it was being re-posted by trolls who naturally tried to be as nasty and soul crushing as possible.
"Drink bleach."
"If I looked like this bitch, I'd kill myself."
"This is why inbreeding is dangerous."
I've been on social media for close to ten years now, yet in spite of the fact I've seen comments like these countless times they never lose that harsh sting. More so, I never quit asking myself, "Why?"
Why do people like taking jabs at others?
Why don't they consider other people's feelings?
Why don't we just remove ourselves from situations we don't like?
Why do we only come together and raise each other up in times of tragedy?
Why?
For instance, about eight months or so ago, I woke up and checked the news and social media like I do every morning. Only this time I was met with quite literally a rude awakening. On my Instagram I had been added to a chat between two teenagers I didn't know. There were just messages upon messages of them sharing my pictures with awful things written underneath them, and typical disgusting troll pictures.
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(Some of the charming snippets...)
This didn't upset me as much as it genuinely unsettled me. Why did me being visibly fat, a feminist, and not hating myself drive these two so over the edge that they would tell me to put a shotgun in my mouth? What would possess someone to say such things to a stranger? The security of a computer screen? Even then, why would you willfully want to be so cruel?
What if I was in a bad frame of mind when I was scrolling through those messages? What if my self esteem wasn't at the level it was and my depression had crept back in? What if their harassment of me really was the thing that made me kill myself? Would they feel bad or, even more worryingly, would they feel happy?
Why do we seek to make people feel terrible on the internet? Why do we not realize our vitriolic words don't just aimlessly float in cyberspace? They're read by a real person, with real feelings, going through their own real life problems. Why are we so self absorbed that we don't care how we treat others?
I went on to contact a youth pastor who I saw was connected to one of the trolls, who we'll call "Adam". I explained the situation to him and included screenshots. He sent me back quite a lengthy response about how "Adam" had been adopted and his start in life had been a rough one. He assured me his adoptive parents were "saints" and this was not a reflection on them, and he would be contacting them regarding the situation.
I never heard back about what had been done to handle the "Adam" situation. In a weird turn of events though, "Adam", himself, messaged me on Instagram to apologize and say his account had been hacked. I can't say I believed him, but I never heard from him again which was a fine ending in my opinion. I started out minding my business, and when the dust settled, I continued to mind my business...
On some level, I felt bad for "Adam". I also had a rough start in life and had been abandoned by a parent. We were probably more similar than we thought, but he allowed whatever trauma he had been through to eat at him. He channeled that pain and anger and projected it at other people to try to make them feel as bad as he had been made to feel. Whereas, I channeled my pain and anger and tried to use it to create light in other people's lives, so they never had to feel as badly as I have.
So today, and everyday, I'm asking you to show love. If you see someone on the street who's outfit you like, give them a compliment! Do you have a friend who's always there for you? Tell them you appreciate them! How often do you recognize a parent or guardian for all they've done for you? Life is too short to put off telling someone how much they mean to you. Do you dislike someone's personality/outfit/or physical characteristics on the internet or in real life? Channel those dated Kermit memes you're still sharing, and realize they are none of your business. Instead focus that energy on showing love to someone you do admire.
What's the point in trying to bring someone else down, when you could lift someone up? The world is full of so much ugliness, hatred, and pain. It doesn't need to be like that. You may think your one, small action won't carry much weight, but your kindness could mean the world to someone else. It could brighten their whole day. It could be the sign they were looking for to see that someone cares. You could literally save someone's life and not even know it.
You can make a huge difference. Whether you want your impact to be negative or positive is up to you. I hope you'll choose positivity and through your words or actions make the world a brighter place.
Show love.
-C
xx
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